6 months & still going <3

So yesterday was me and Paul's 6th month of being together. I'm very surpried we lasted this long and am very happy and satisfied to be with him. We spent our half year mark with his cousin's birthday bbq celebration at his cousin's place. We ate a lot of food, I was stuffed. I got to meet his cousins family and friends. They seem to like me, which maks me happy hehe. Before a lot of guest came, paul was outside on the backyard with his cousins and friends. I called him over to come inside and that I wanted a hug from him haha. I then told him I had something for him. He was totally surprised! He told me I didn't have to and why did I get him something. I presented a 3 page letter to him. I told him to read it quietly because I didn't want him reading it out loud while other people were walking around. The letter pretty much said how much I was glad to have him in my life and that we got together. I confessed how I truelly felt for him. Expressed how I felt about all the things we've been through, all the hardships and about the future as well. He felt touched. But I wasn't done yet with the surprise. After he read the letter I told him I had something else for him. He was again shocked and said I didn't have to lol. I presented him a blue box with a white ribbon tied bow on it. (Yeap, you guess it...from Tiffany & Co) I gave him a sterling silver interlocking rings necklace. I got him real good on keeping it on the Down Low haha. The look on his face after I gave him his gifts were unforgetable. I believe I made him really happy. And I showed him how much I really do love him. I wrote him a letter. I got him a gift even though he wasn't expecting anything. I really love him. And I hope we last a very long time. =] Some people think I'm crazy for giving a gift on the 6th  month mark, but to me it really means a lot. Out of all my 8 relationships (yeah thats a lot lol) Paul is the only one that I lasted this long with. The rest lasted only 2 months. It's amazing. I never thought I would last this long with a guy. I believe we could last a long time. I can finally say that I am truelly happy. Happy to be in a relationship with a guy. Especially the one I got now. I don't even think of anyother guy now. I don't want to be with anyone else but him. He is the only one that I give my heart, body, and soul.

Love sure does feel great....even if it tends to hurt sometimes..

My life has been pretty busy lately. I’m working now and going to school. I really don’t have any time for anyone anymore, but it must be the same with everyone else because I barely see anyone either haha. Yes, I miss you cyd! Anyways, my busy schedule also cuts down how often I can see paul :[ because of the damn snow and rain I couldn’t see him yesterday. Which was pretty awful for the both of us since Wednesday I usually go out to his cousins place and we chill. Well school is going okay. I’m taking all night classes. I’m still trying to get used it. Although I’m usually so sleepy by the time class starts haha. Oh well. This is my update for now. Till then…Chao~

I pray for my tito who is very sick right now. It makes me really sad to see my dad cry. I wish I could make him feel better but I don't know what to do. He couldn't even go to work today. Poor dad. Poor Tito. Life is too damn short. Within one week already they say he's not going to make it, chemotherapy is useless, as they say. His tumors are too bad to have treatment. Worst place to have it...his damn liver... oh damn why does this have to happen to my tito. My second tito I'm going to lose. It's very difficult to deal with.

Aside from that were having complications. It's only been two weeks since we got back, I don't know why it's like this again. Maybe I'm craving too much attention. But at the same time I feel like he's taking me for granted. He seems a bit different since we gotten back together. Seems like he stop trying to improve on himself, hoping I wouldn't noticed? I don't know why but I hate waiting for his call. Even if he is busy he could always just call for couple of minutes to say Hi or something...I wish he would he'd do the things hed said he would do. I don't want to give up on us, but it's hard to try to fix it again. Every thing is just so overwhelming. I don't know if I could handle another disappointment. I feel sad whenever he doesn't call me or whenever I'm on the phone with him while his friends are there. I know I'm selfish and crave on attention, which is my bad habit. But I can't help it. I don't feel as important anymore. I'm not sure what to do. I don't want to give up and break it off, but a part of me is tired of trying to fix it. Is it me..or is he just not able to change?

You're cold with disappointment
While I'm drowning in the next room
The last contagious victim of this plague between us
I'm sick with apprehension
I'm crippled from exhaustion
And I dread the moment when you finally come to kill me

So I just got home. But I never got a chance to update what happened to me last night! I had a strange vivid dream that I woke up in the middle of the night. I yelped because my right arm was hurting. Like when you're numb and you can feel the prickles, but it felt like 10x worse! I yelped and walked out of my room and around the living room holding my arm almost in tears but never cried. It hurt. Then I walked back to my room and went to bed still holding my arm still kinda of in pain but then went straight back to sleep. Like I passed out or some shit. I have no idea if it really happened but damn it felt fucking real!